27.12.05
مش حأقدر أنسى
23.12.05
Winds of change
I have heard this question many times from every new comer to my company, but this time it sounded different. This time I would tell him/her the period I spent... with no hope of making it longer. This time I am counting the years, and knowing they will never increase another year.
"Three years. In January I will complete three years in eSmart."
OH MY GOD! Three years. Three years have passed that quick? Three years passed and I'm supposed to be older, wiser and more experienced.... (I doubt the second;-) )
I loved this company the moment I walked in. I still remember this day... It was before new year's eve of 2002-2003. I couldn't find the building, it was dark & cold, and my car was burning! I have forgotten to check on the radiator water as usual :D
This is all what the secretary told me. This secretary was later my so good friend Noura... but she was so brief in describing the address and i wasn't that good in the streets of masr el gedida... Anyway, I kept searching the Hegaz street from Roxy to el Hegaz!
All of a sudden I saw a tall building and I had a feeling it was it! And it was right building ...
Too much of good luck, and I had my first interview. Well, after negociations and refusing then another interview and negociating again... all in all it took me one week to decide to move to eSmart with a salary LESS than what I was earning in the first job. I just loved the place & people. And my 3 wonderful hard working years started. I began on the 20th of January 2003.
"Which desk do you want to sit on?"
YES! I actually chose the desk I sat on. I joined the company when it was only 3 months old, and there weren't any young engineers then, only 3 managers & 2 senior developers. I chose the desk i sat on out of 6 desks ready for the new engineers. It was fun! Though the work wasn't so appealing at first, but I had fun. It was my first real job, my first job was in a amateur small company.
I have lots & lots of memories there.... we were many working there from our class of handaza. It was like my section at college :) I had many friends working with me, and after few weeks we became family. I still remember how I used to go on Saturdays to a super market to buy grocery for the new week :D yeah we used to collect money every week & buy food. We would call (beta3 el 3eesh) from the balcony and buy (be 2 geneh 3eesh) everyday :-D
"Who didn't pay you this week ya Lilo?"
We had this Excel sheet to show who paid how much, and I would check it everyday with Sally :) We made a very cooperative team Sally & me, but we would fight like cats at times :)
"We have a presentation tomorrow. Get ready."
We used to go make presentations, Sally & me, and we had so much fun doing it. We went to many different places all over Cairo, and even outside Cairo. I enjoyed those presentations cause I learnt a lot from them. I developed more self confidence & self esteem. I learnt to face people, and not ordinary people, but ones who are experts in the IT world, and I had to convince them with our dear tool Smart Reports .
Not to mention that I liked going out of the office too;)
Years passed, and every few months someone would leave or a new one would come. We had a high employee turn over. But I loved them all, and i find it hard now to leave. eSmart now is not a company to me, it's a home. I can come and go any time or day. I can come at night to find colleagues still working. I would come on a Saturday to find colleagues working harder than weekdays. We would go together and play basket ball at club :D and then go eat by the swimming pool. We would gather every Ramadan on one table and have break-fast together. We would share each others news, laughs and cries. But most of our times were laughter.
Three years have passed and then came a time when I have to make the decision that i've been dreading most: leave eSmart !!! I couldn't imagine at first how i can do it... and I thought I would refuse the new offer as I did with all the previous offers I got during my stay in eSmart. But this time I just couldn't! All sane people agree that I cannot refuse my new offer. And I had to make this decision: leave. Leave home, and try to make a new one.
"You are leaving?!!!?! You are kidding, right? You can't be leaving. You can't leave aslan!"
Without talking about all the tears, all the worries and all the sadness that the decision implied, i am now in my final few days in eSmart. I can't talk about how my friends and colleagues took the news. They all thought i was kidding, and that seeing me leave was the last thing they ever expected. I am the oldest engineer now and people took it for granted that I'll always stay. I did too. I tried explaining why I took the decision, but no use. I felt trapped! So I really can't leave?!
For a few days everybody was awaiting me to change my mind. I was suspecting that I might do too. But I didn't. I am leaving. When everyone realized it was really happening, they began giving me this sad look of disappoinment, love and "we'll miss you". Oh God, I can't take it! It's really ripping my heart apart. Should I leave a good career opportunity for the sake of people I love & am attached to? Or should I go and try as hard as I can to keep in touch with them? I had many tough days thinking it over. Finally I realized I'm a career girl. I can never forgive myself for a mistake in my career. I'll go and may God help me keep those wonderful people in touch.
"We will miss you ya abou el Leel (as Mario liked to call me:))."
"And I will too. I cannot describe well how I feel, but I will miss you all dear friends, brothers, sisters, and mentors. I will always remeber every single one I met here. Wish me luck in my new job, and try as hard as I'll do to keep in touch."
20.12.05
!مش أنا قـلـت
Solitaire
Have you ever played Solitaire? This simple game we all play on our computers when we are really bored. I have noticed things while playing it that i was amazed to realize. Solitaire actually gives you ideas for your life! I'm not halucinating, i mean it! Just read my remarks... and if you take those remarks and apply them to life, you can get what i meant ;)
1- Sometimes it seems blocked & no way out, but a small move can open a new way for winning.
2- Sometimes it seems so easy and winning is a must, but it might get blocked in the very last step.
3- Every step counts, one tiny step can make the whole game go wrong and u have to start all over again.
4- The best way to win is to focus on the goal, do not do any move unless it helps u win. Don't do it because it can be done, but u must have a point in doing it.
5- If you skip a good card, you can always scroll all the cards untill you get back to your lucky card again. It doesn't go away.
6- You must wait for the perfect moment to play the card. If it's used in the wrong time, it's useless.
7- You can never win all games. There are unwinnable games no matter how much you try and you cannot do anything about it.
8- Cards might look alike to you, but in fact if you look closer, each one is completely different from any other. Two red aces are not the same: one is a diamond, the other a heart.
9- Sometimes the solution is right infront of your eyes, but you cannot see it, because you think it's sometning else.
12.12.05
Anger
This what happens when we get angry. We get angry and try to act in the midest of our anger: the fatal mistake we do. At times of anger the person is not sane enough to make actions or take decisions. Never attempt to do that while you are angry.
If you watch yourself , you will find a thin line that when you cross you get into this state of anger and temporary insanity. The best thing is to avoid stepping over that line from the start. Do not let yourself reach the point where you have no control over your words &actions. You are the only one who will be harmed, or say the first one. The high blood presure, the hot flush, the headache and all the irritability &annoyance are affecting no one else but yourself.
Do yourself this favor and try to control your anger. Just try to do it once, you will find that you can REALLY control your temper. Do not step over the thin line and stay on the sane side of life :D
11.12.05
Today's Quote
-Father Joseph
10.12.05
Still worth while
Today i decided to wake up.
Today i decided to go one with my dream.
Today i decided that it's still worth while.
I'll get up once again.
I'll give my life another chance.
I'll confess my worth to myself.
Dreams are dreams and beautiful being just dreams.
Dreams can be more beautiful when they become real.
Dreams were never destructive or illusionary.
I will work harder, there are people who are waiting for my work.
I will be nicer, there are people who need a pat on the shoulder.
I will have more Faith, there is a great Savior offering his true Love.
Never give up, for this will be the end.
Never hate your reality, because what you can do to change it is what matters.
Never lose faith in Love, it is what keeps us alive.
8.12.05
6.12.05
الناس مش طايقة روحها
السواق: (يهز دماغه دليل الموافقه - هو راجل عجوز وبدقن بيضا)...... أمشى من التحرير ولا الكورنيش؟
أنا: زى ما تحب، اللى تشوفه
(مشينا شوية فى اتجاه التحرير، ثم فى آخر لحظة جاله هاتف داعى انه يطلع على الكورنيش، فمن وسط الاشارة قدام المجمع، راح ضارب شمال لولبى وكسر على تلات اربع عربيات كده وانطلق ناحية عمر مكرم وطالع عالكورنيش وهو فى منتهى السعاده)
أنا: (بصوت واطى مش قاصدة اسمعهوله) بس دى كده لفة كبيرة
السواق:(بحدة) ايه؟ نعم بتقولى ايه؟
أنا: (ايه انا عكيت ولا ايه!) لا أبدا يااسطه دانا بقول كدة حتبقى لفة
السواق: لفة! لفة ايه، مين قال اتها لفة، دى كدة أقصر، بدل ما نقف فى ميت اشارة، قال لفة قال.....واتفتح ومش عايز يقفل
أنا: طب خلاص، مادام حضرتك عارف (آه صدقونى بقوله حضرتك)، أصل أنا معرفش الطريق ده
السواق: طب انتى متعرفيش، أنا عارفه، ولو اللفة أطول دى تبقى عليا، مش حادفعك أزيد، دى عليا أنا (الحدة عماله تزيد - يادى النيلة، ماركبش غير مع سواق سايكو مش طايق روحه)
ثم سكت أنا .. هو بقى ماسكتش، لما وصلنا عبد المنعم رياض بسرعة من الطريق بتاعه، شمت فيا!! وأصر يوضحلى قد ايه هو ناصح
السواق: شفتى بقى، لا لفة ولا حاجة، ادينا وصلنا، قعدتى بس تقولى لفة ومش لفة!! ادينا وصلنا
أنا: (نسيت أقول انى كنت راجعه من جاردن سيتى من عند الجدع بتاع تقرير الاكسل و واخدة جرعة فقع مش بطالة) أنا قلت لحضرتك أول ما ركبت سوق من الطريق اللى يريحك
السواق: مانتى قعدتى تقولى لفة و..... وقعد يبرطم
أنا: (ابتاديت اتنرفز) مانا سكت خلاص
السواق: ماهو كان مفروض تسكتى من الأول
!!!!!!!!!!!!
أنا: انت حتربينى ولا ايه
السواق: انتى اللى حتربينى عشان راكبة بفلوسك
!!!!!!!!
أمال يعنى حركب تاكسى وأدفع لب وسودانى، ولا انت عامله عمل تطوعى
وسكت تانى عشان هو راجل كبير وقلت أكيد فى راكب قبلى طلع عينه أو عنده مشاكل عائلية.... والحمد لله كنا وصلنا، ودفعتله الفلوس بمنتهى الأدب ومشيت وأنا بقول: لا حول الله يا رب، الناس مش طايقة نفسها
4.12.05
بعد العاشرة مساء
نظرت هناء للساعة فوجدتها العاشرة والثلث، لقد تأخرت بالفعل، وبعد أن وعدها بأن يوصلها إلى منزلها ها هو قد خلى بوعده ويريدها أن تذهب بمفردها. اغتاظت منه كثيراً، لقد وافقت أن تتأخر عن موعدها المعتاد وتسهر قليلاً فى المحل على وعد بأن يوصلها... وها هى الآن عليها أن تركب المواصلات فى هذه الساعة
خلاص يا أستاذ أحمد، أنا حامشى بقى، على الله ألاقى الميكروباص اللى بيودى على البيت طوالى لحسن الوقت إتأخر قوى، سلام
أما راجل عيل صحيح، بعد ما أتلطع لغاية عشرة ونص يقولى روّحى لوحدك، خلاص يعنى الفاتورتين دول كانوا حايطيروا لو ماقيدهمش الليلادى
أخذت تتمتم بكلمات تذمر مثل هذه طوال الطريق إلى المحطة. هى تعرف أنها تستطيع التصرف بمفردها، تستطيع أن تذهب إلى أى مكان وحدها ولا تخشى شيئاً، ولكن المشكلة ليست بها، المشكلة فى
العواطلية اللى ماليين الشوارع دول، اللى معندهمش شغلة ولا مشغلة غير الفرجة على البنات والستات فى الرايحة والجاية، أى واحدة ماشية ياخدوها من فوق لتحت وياخدوا راحتهم فى البص، حاجة تقرف!! ويا ويلها بقى اللى تمشى فى الشارع بعد الساعة عشرة، دى بقى أكيد ماشية على حل شعرها وما فيش مانع من كلمة كدة ولا كدة، ماهى فاجرة بقى، ماتعرفوش انى شقيانة وبشتغل شغلانتين علشات أكفى مصاريف البيت ....... جتكوا خيبة قاعدين علقهاوى بتحرقوا فى فلوس فى الهوا، تلاقى مراتاتكوا هى اللى بتصرف عليكو
عشان يتبسط أستاذ أحمد، أصلوا اشترانى بال350 جنيه العمى اللى بيديهملى، دانا باعمل مجهود 3 موظفين فى المحل
كانت فى قمة الضيق، تتذكر الأفكار السخيفة الواحدة تلو الأخرى، تتمنى لو وجدت ميكروباص الذى يأخذها إلى منزلها مباشرة حتى تصل منزلها سريعاً وتنسى هذه الأفكار المزعجه، ولكن فكرة ركوب الميكروباص فى حد ذاتها تضايقهأ
اللى حيتلزق عشان يقعد حنبى، واللى يفضل يدندنلى أغنية لعبد الحليم فى ودانى، واللى يحاول يحط ايده على كتفى قال يعنى ماخدش باله... شيل ايدك كسر ايدك ورجلك و رقبتك كمان
كانت تتمرن على الجمل والألفاظ التى سوف تغرق بها من يحاول الإقتراب منها، هى تعرف "الأشكال دى" وتعرف كيف تتصدى لهم، فهم يتراجعون ويتحولون لجبناء اذا ما وجدوا منها الرفض، وربما ادعوا أنها تفترى عليهم ايضاً
احنا قربنالك ولا كلمناكى، انتى حتجبيلنا مصيبة عالمسا، استغفر الله العظيم يا رب
وتحس هى بالرثاء لنفسها على تعرضها لهذه المهانة، وتطلب من الله ألا يسمع منه هذا الدعاء بالمغفرة
خده يا رب
بعد نصف ساعة كانت على أول الشارع التى تقطنه، كان الهدوء يسود الشارع والإضاءة خافته، تسرع الخطا حتى تصل لمنزلها بأقصى سرعة، تحلم بعشاء ساخن ثم النوم العميق، تتمنى لو وجدت عملاً أقرب لمنزلها، تتمنى زوجاً طيباً وأسرة سعيدة، كل أمانيها جاءت الآن على فكرها.. هى لا تدرى أهو عدم رضا أم مجرد تذمر وقتى سيزول حالما تأكل وتستريح، كل ما يعنيها الآن هو الوصول للمنزل
أوصل بس بيتنا على خير وبكره أفكر وأحلم وأخطط، بس المهم ماما تكون عاملة عشا كويس
فى طريقها تسمع تعليق من بعيد من "عاطل من إياهم" يقول رأيه فى مسألة تأخيرها
ما بدرى يا ست البنات
بما أنه من المنطقة فلابد وأن كل "حريم" المنطقة تحت نظره وله رأى فى كل سلوكياتهن، وهذه الآراء لا تقال إلا ليلاً على القهوة مع باقى شباب المنطقة وهم يدخنون الممنوعات، فيبدأون بتأليف ونسج قصص من خيالهم حول بنات المنطقة، يألفونها ويصدقونها، هى مجرد تسلية وشغل للوقت، لا أكثر ولا أقل
شوف ياختى البت راجعه آخر الليل لوحدها، عنده حق الواد حسين فى اللى قاله، قال وأنا كنت عايزه أخطبهاله، اخص
كانت هناء على وشك البكاء من احساسها بالظلم
حرام عليكى يا ولية يا مفترية، دانا راجعه مالشغل هلكانة
كان المنزل على بعد أمتار، عندما أحست بمن يمشى وراءها، احساسها لا يخطئ، هناك من يتبعها، من هو الذى يتربص بها؟ انها على بعد خطوات من منزلها، لكنها تموت رعبأً
يا رب عدى الليلة دى على خير، لو قربلى حصوت بعلو حسى
خطواته تقترب، قلبها يدق بعنف، أسرعت خطواتها أكثر حتى قاربت العدو، أحست به يسرع وراءها أيضاً، أحست بأن اليلة لن تنتهى على خير، هو يريد بها سوءاً، يستغل ضعف موقفها، فهى وحدها فى الشارع شبه المظلم، والوقت متأخر، هو يقترب، قلبها يكاد يتوقف عن الدق من فرط رعبها
ثم شعرت بيد تمسك بكتفها
آآآآآآآآآآآآآآآه
إيه يا هناء مالك بتجرى كده ليه، مالك يا بت، أنا عمال أقول هى ولا مش هيه، الدنيا ضلمة، وأنا واقف مستنيكى تيجى، دا ماما قلقانة عليكى قوى
اتأخرتى كده ليه بس؟
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