Sometimes we think of a thing in a certain way to be the only possible way. We don't have to be completely right. Things might not be as we think. We put rules and try to apply them to everything, but this is just not accurate. These r our own rules and rules tend to be rejected by the ones not developing them. What gives us this assurance that we think OK and our system is a perfect one. A magical formula applied to anything, and pooooffff things are clear and organized. Then we get confused when the system cracks upon bumping into an incompatible phenomenon.
Among the skills we need to learn and practice is the acceptance of change and variance. Being rigid infront of life is a very easy way to get broken. Revising the rules is a way of being malleable. If not, then learn to deal with each case separately. Do not put all things and people's acts in one bag and staple a badge on it saying "good things" and "bad things". What we see to be bad might be in fact a good thing for another person. Not ultimately good, nor ultimately bad. When you apply your rule you get a bad result, while your neighbor applies his own, et voila, a perfect result and this thing would be his heaven.
Each one of us might be sitting now thinking of things he'd be so happy to have. Why do we think we know how things will make us feel like, even before having them. We make ourselves so excited about them, before we touch them. Likewise, the things we dread most, the scary thoughts we try to keep away from, might not be that bad. The fact that in both cases, we don't have enough clues about what's unknown.
Getting external information might be helpful. But again, making someone describe you the taste of ice cream can never be as effective and fun as tasting it yourself. So if you wanna build your formula again, add a factor of "experiences" and another of "still unknown" to the formula.